we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
