I look better un-naked...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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