Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
