was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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