Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
