He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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