I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize