my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't deserve a penis
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize