Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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