Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
