it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
