Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
