I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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