You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
