So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
