And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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