So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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