he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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