do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize