it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
