Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
