omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
