if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
