im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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