'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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