so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize