No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
