Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
