Cold hands, warm shart.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
