But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
