Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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