Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this beer tastes like vomit already
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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