Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
