When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
