i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
A+ Viking dick
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