literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
