Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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