If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm both gender and math confused
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
