Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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