did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize