she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
