I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
