I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
