theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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