Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
