Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
