He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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