im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
