Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
