How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
nutella sex= disaster
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
