why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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