I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
