also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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