I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
