Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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