I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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