youre lurking in front of me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need a beard to bite.
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