5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
