Are we in a gay sports bar?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need to sanitize my soul.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize