Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
