We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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