My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
