Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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