Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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