i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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