He uses pillows to masturbate.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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