i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
