Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
