I am in a vortex of obligation.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We have started to decorate penises.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
