she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We are two peas in an std pod
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
