Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
