it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
