so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Mom said you looked used
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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