I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
