census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
