mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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