did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
