yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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