don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
