You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize