He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My vagina is very pro this idea
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
