I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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