hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
