Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
