so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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