So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
