The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
