I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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