Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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